While We May Never See Santa Claus in Nigeria Again… (SATIRE)

                                              Image result for santa clause

It’s no news that Santa Claus will not come to Nigeria in 2020 if Nigerians fail to trigger his purpose clause.

While we may never see Santa Claus again in Nigeria it is befitting to tell you why the stupid man will never set his feet on Nigeria soil.

To be fair, Saint Nicolas is a good man; but what he does makes him stupid. The reason for his stupidity is quite obvious- he is not a Nigerian.

If he is a Nigerian, he will know there is not an iota of sense nor personal gain from giving gifts, toys and granting wishes to the so-called “good children” all in the name of making them happy.

There is no way this methodology will work in Nigeria. To us, “Money is Everything” and ‘Everything’ does not exclude Happiness. Who cares if they are good children? and who does happiness epp? The only way any child can prove he’s a good boy or girl is for him/her to pay money to be deemed “Omo daadaa”.

That clarifies the reason why Nigerians have shut the border doors on Santa Claus and replaced him with ” Father Keresi”.

Father Keresi is less sophisticated but business-oriented; Exactly what is needed in this ‘buharified’ economy.

With Father Keresi, there is no need for elves, only he can do the job.
As Nigerians, one of the things we’ve learnt from our role models- politicians, is the “look-away attitude”.

We look away from the faces of those little children that craves to be happy; then give them “Father Keresi” donning those thick black shades with a protruded belly that are courtesy of clothes. We look away when those little children scream and cry thinking Father Keresi is their nightmare “Òjùjú”.

You are asking what is the difference between “Father Keresi” and Santa Claus? Well, just a slight difference.

Santa Claus is passionate about what they do and gives their best to make children happy (see stupidity!). On the other hand, Father Keresi are broke undergraduates, teachers who may not be good with children but eager to drop the red-devil costume to collect their share of the looted cash doled out after their involuntary public service (Afterall, if you no get money, you’ve got to hide your face).

Nigeria have the actions of the major general to think, who have the time to think about what our children are exposed to and how it shapes their mentality?

Therefore, this is a welcome development. “Father Keresi we want, Santa Claus we desist”.

Money-Saving Tip for 2020: This is a buharified economy, we’ve got to be prudent, not only the sellers of Father Keresi should remain smart, buyers should be too: In 2020, you don’t need to pay so much money to make your wards see Father Keresi, you can simply see one freely at any “Iya Alamala” joints, carelessly eating his life out to make the stomach bigger and appealing.
Pray earnestly that your feet also lead you to where you will see angry Father Keresi angrily storming out of a party because his contractor breached the contract by giving him just one bottle of drink and two plates of food, what is not enough to fuel his big stomach.

I pray with you, may your legs carry you there to behold the thought-provoking sight.

Yours in Fear.

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